http://facetofacebook365.tumblr.com/
Summer winding down. Getting ready to go back to work. Will try to post updates today, then hopefully start back up soon! :)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, October 11, 2010
Dating my friends(.)(?)
Aaaand we're back! I've got a couple of months worth of catching up to do. I've had several meet-ups between then and now, and I've let updates go the way of many other best laid plans. I am excited to get them all caught up and posted. This post was written on 5/19:
This is my girlfriend Danielle,
or as I affectionally refer to her (in somewhat shortened written form) Dani-L. There's something cool about the hyphen I think. Anyway, I first introduced Dani-L a couple posts ago, when we went out on our own official face to facebook meet up. Dani-L has been a great supporter of the project, which I appreciate immensely. She's given me great ideas and feedback from time to time, and continues to do so. The only snag (which is a "giant, knitted sweater caught on a rusty jagged nail that hooks and attempts to unspool the entire garment literally at the seams" kind of snag) is that many of my friends and Facebook friends, happen to have two X chromosomes.
Yes, I have always, and still to this day continue to have (what most would consider) lots of female friends. I've heard and had every conversation on the topic that one would want to, or even try to avoid having. Let me put this in context by saying that anyone who knows me... and even most people who know of me, probably know that I am a friendly guy. I am a people person to the Nth degree, and I make friends just about anywhere I go. It's who I am, it's how I was raised, and until a few years back... that had been consistent. After 3 years of barely speaking to or seeing any of my friends, I left a toxic relationship, began re-becoming myself again, joined Facebook, and started reconnecting with the dozens, scores, even hundreds of people I'd missed over the years. Dani-L and I have been going out now for just over a year, and though she appreciates my general congeniality, she is not thrilled by the fact that I have so many female friends and potential female friends for that matter. I do have lots of XY friends also though, but when you're a man with a girlfriend, the female ones take on new and greater meaning to your significant other... at least in my experience.
As an essential part of this project, I am hanging out with some people who I might not know very well. Because I may potentially hang out with women who I don't know very well, Dani-L believes that I am essentially "Dating my (female) friends". I would think that the vast majority of the female friends I've hung out with over the years, as friends, would not think of the times we've hung out as dates. I could be wrong though. Dani-L pointed out that some women may have thought we were on a date even if I had not. This struck me. I may be naive, and/or too literal... but I'd always assumed that when people, no matter what sex, agree to hang out, they are doing so for whatever the reason is that they have agreed upon. Ie. "Let's go to a museum!", would mean... "I would like to go to a museum and view exceptional artwork, would you like to do so as well, and perhaps converse about the shared experience?" Apparently, this is not necessarily the case. I will admit that it's possible. "Lunch" or "Dinner", might not always be just a meal. There are times where you get to know someone better, and sometimes for the purpose of pursuing a relationship with that person. However; I do think it is possible, for a man and a woman to hang out without one or the other thinking with any degree of seriousness about being together romantically. THEN I looked up the word "date", and this is what came up:
"a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night."
Apparently I have been dating my friends all along, men and women alike! Something about that definition made it seem as if this whole conversation (trying not to call it an argument) was a lot less serious than it needed to be. If dating is just arranging a meet-up with a person, and then meeting up... why such a big deal? Then I found this more thorough definition of "Dating":
"Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal."
Ahhhh... so there must be an "Aim"! Dating is really interviewing for potential life-partners. So I suppose it is possible for two people to "go out" (another loaded term), one thinking they are on a "date" (definition 1), and one thinking they are "dating" (definition 2). When I hang out with my female friends, I'm not sizing them up as potential life mates. Could they be sizing me up? Have they? Again, I acknowledge that it's possible, but I give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't assume someones' intentions are to steal me away from my girlfriend. Did you see her up there? She's beautiful. I'm not trying to find someone else that I can spend my future with, I'm trying to get to know the people that are or might be my "friends".
The whole process is still pretty slow going so far. I've only met up with 15 friends so far, out of about 370. The count is 6 females (including my girlfriend) and 9 males. Dani-L pointed out that lots of women might not want to hang out with me because they have boyfriends or husbands, which I completely understand. If anyone feels uncomfortable hanging out with me for any reason, I'm glad to know it, and wouldn't want to put someone else in an uncomfortable situation. We don't necessarily need to hang out together face to face to be friends.
I like finding likeminded people. I like hanging out with diverse groups and individuals, and I really enjoy having groups of friends that represent a huge range of eclectic interests, tastes, viewpoints, etc. What makes this project challenging is that getting to know friends better, is different than getting to know "friends" better.
I'm sure this will be a topic that comes up again, but for now, I look forward to any feedback.
What do you all think? Am I dating my friends? Do you date yours? Can men and women hang out as friends?
Am I the worlds... worst... boyfriend for attempting this?
Bring the pain.
This is my girlfriend Danielle,
or as I affectionally refer to her (in somewhat shortened written form) Dani-L. There's something cool about the hyphen I think. Anyway, I first introduced Dani-L a couple posts ago, when we went out on our own official face to facebook meet up. Dani-L has been a great supporter of the project, which I appreciate immensely. She's given me great ideas and feedback from time to time, and continues to do so. The only snag (which is a "giant, knitted sweater caught on a rusty jagged nail that hooks and attempts to unspool the entire garment literally at the seams" kind of snag) is that many of my friends and Facebook friends, happen to have two X chromosomes.
Yes, I have always, and still to this day continue to have (what most would consider) lots of female friends. I've heard and had every conversation on the topic that one would want to, or even try to avoid having. Let me put this in context by saying that anyone who knows me... and even most people who know of me, probably know that I am a friendly guy. I am a people person to the Nth degree, and I make friends just about anywhere I go. It's who I am, it's how I was raised, and until a few years back... that had been consistent. After 3 years of barely speaking to or seeing any of my friends, I left a toxic relationship, began re-becoming myself again, joined Facebook, and started reconnecting with the dozens, scores, even hundreds of people I'd missed over the years. Dani-L and I have been going out now for just over a year, and though she appreciates my general congeniality, she is not thrilled by the fact that I have so many female friends and potential female friends for that matter. I do have lots of XY friends also though, but when you're a man with a girlfriend, the female ones take on new and greater meaning to your significant other... at least in my experience.
As an essential part of this project, I am hanging out with some people who I might not know very well. Because I may potentially hang out with women who I don't know very well, Dani-L believes that I am essentially "Dating my (female) friends". I would think that the vast majority of the female friends I've hung out with over the years, as friends, would not think of the times we've hung out as dates. I could be wrong though. Dani-L pointed out that some women may have thought we were on a date even if I had not. This struck me. I may be naive, and/or too literal... but I'd always assumed that when people, no matter what sex, agree to hang out, they are doing so for whatever the reason is that they have agreed upon. Ie. "Let's go to a museum!", would mean... "I would like to go to a museum and view exceptional artwork, would you like to do so as well, and perhaps converse about the shared experience?" Apparently, this is not necessarily the case. I will admit that it's possible. "Lunch" or "Dinner", might not always be just a meal. There are times where you get to know someone better, and sometimes for the purpose of pursuing a relationship with that person. However; I do think it is possible, for a man and a woman to hang out without one or the other thinking with any degree of seriousness about being together romantically. THEN I looked up the word "date", and this is what came up:
"a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night."
Apparently I have been dating my friends all along, men and women alike! Something about that definition made it seem as if this whole conversation (trying not to call it an argument) was a lot less serious than it needed to be. If dating is just arranging a meet-up with a person, and then meeting up... why such a big deal? Then I found this more thorough definition of "Dating":
"Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal."
Ahhhh... so there must be an "Aim"! Dating is really interviewing for potential life-partners. So I suppose it is possible for two people to "go out" (another loaded term), one thinking they are on a "date" (definition 1), and one thinking they are "dating" (definition 2). When I hang out with my female friends, I'm not sizing them up as potential life mates. Could they be sizing me up? Have they? Again, I acknowledge that it's possible, but I give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't assume someones' intentions are to steal me away from my girlfriend. Did you see her up there? She's beautiful. I'm not trying to find someone else that I can spend my future with, I'm trying to get to know the people that are or might be my "friends".
The whole process is still pretty slow going so far. I've only met up with 15 friends so far, out of about 370. The count is 6 females (including my girlfriend) and 9 males. Dani-L pointed out that lots of women might not want to hang out with me because they have boyfriends or husbands, which I completely understand. If anyone feels uncomfortable hanging out with me for any reason, I'm glad to know it, and wouldn't want to put someone else in an uncomfortable situation. We don't necessarily need to hang out together face to face to be friends.
I like finding likeminded people. I like hanging out with diverse groups and individuals, and I really enjoy having groups of friends that represent a huge range of eclectic interests, tastes, viewpoints, etc. What makes this project challenging is that getting to know friends better, is different than getting to know "friends" better.
I'm sure this will be a topic that comes up again, but for now, I look forward to any feedback.
What do you all think? Am I dating my friends? Do you date yours? Can men and women hang out as friends?
Am I the worlds... worst... boyfriend for attempting this?
Bring the pain.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Minus 365
It looks like the header at the top of the page reads "Face to Facebook 'minus' 365". That might work!
I'd been thinking for a while about making a change to the project. 2010 is just about halfway finished, and I've had quite a wake up call regarding the timing of this experiment. For some reason, it seemed to me in the planning stages that meeting up with 311 friends in 365 days was at least plausible. "I've got weekends, I've got the summer, I can head out after work a couple of times a week...", I told myself. I also hadn't considered that my own schedule wasn't the only one that I had to... well, consider. Add to that, that I am a person who loves structure. I like calendars and lists and plans, even if I don't end up sticking to them. The "year" idea gave me a measurable goal, but didn't account for much more than that. I would end up rushing at the end of the year to cram in a bunch of people for micro-meet ups, which would be more about checking names off than getting to know people. What is some of my friends were unavailable until Jan. 1st 2011? Would I delete them to release myself from the responsibility?
Now I'm ready to stretch this out. I'm going to extend this project to give me and my friends (and my "friends") ample time to meet up and get to know each other... if they so choose. It also helps with the fact that my friends list has grown from 311 to 370+ since this began. Now this is more of an ongoing mission, rather than a race.
So to all of those people on my friends list, I look forward to seeing you sooner... or later!
I'd been thinking for a while about making a change to the project. 2010 is just about halfway finished, and I've had quite a wake up call regarding the timing of this experiment. For some reason, it seemed to me in the planning stages that meeting up with 311 friends in 365 days was at least plausible. "I've got weekends, I've got the summer, I can head out after work a couple of times a week...", I told myself. I also hadn't considered that my own schedule wasn't the only one that I had to... well, consider. Add to that, that I am a person who loves structure. I like calendars and lists and plans, even if I don't end up sticking to them. The "year" idea gave me a measurable goal, but didn't account for much more than that. I would end up rushing at the end of the year to cram in a bunch of people for micro-meet ups, which would be more about checking names off than getting to know people. What is some of my friends were unavailable until Jan. 1st 2011? Would I delete them to release myself from the responsibility?
Now I'm ready to stretch this out. I'm going to extend this project to give me and my friends (and my "friends") ample time to meet up and get to know each other... if they so choose. It also helps with the fact that my friends list has grown from 311 to 370+ since this began. Now this is more of an ongoing mission, rather than a race.
So to all of those people on my friends list, I look forward to seeing you sooner... or later!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Greatest form of flattery?
Just saw a commercial for this phone called the KIN, and am wondering if their marketing people stopped by my blog before starting this campaign. I've been calling it a project or a social experiment, they call it"The Journey".
They have all of the flash, glitz, catchy hipster music, pseudo documentary styled shaky yet professional camera work, witty dialogue (and monologue), and relatable, comedic situations that leave my humble blog in the proverbial cyber dust. I started thinking... "Wow, that's like what I'm doing!", then, "Wait... that's... what I'M doing.", then finally, "...Shouldn't I be getting a check, or a free phone or something?" I wondered at first if this was a legit project, and if the people undertaking "The Journey" were actual people like me, who had a hunger to explore their digital/genuine or supposed relationships/friendships... and who happen to have a dope looking phone and computer program to help them. The more I watch though, the more I quickly realized, that this is a very slickly made campaign, with actors that look like people you or I might have on our friends list. Anyway, I'm taking it as a compliment for now, and am secure in the knowledge that what I'm learning and gaining from my own project, is more valuable than a couple thousand youtube hits, and a fancy phone.
They have all of the flash, glitz, catchy hipster music, pseudo documentary styled shaky yet professional camera work, witty dialogue (and monologue), and relatable, comedic situations that leave my humble blog in the proverbial cyber dust. I started thinking... "Wow, that's like what I'm doing!", then, "Wait... that's... what I'M doing.", then finally, "...Shouldn't I be getting a check, or a free phone or something?" I wondered at first if this was a legit project, and if the people undertaking "The Journey" were actual people like me, who had a hunger to explore their digital/genuine or supposed relationships/friendships... and who happen to have a dope looking phone and computer program to help them. The more I watch though, the more I quickly realized, that this is a very slickly made campaign, with actors that look like people you or I might have on our friends list. Anyway, I'm taking it as a compliment for now, and am secure in the knowledge that what I'm learning and gaining from my own project, is more valuable than a couple thousand youtube hits, and a fancy phone.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Finding 2
Face to face conversations are much better than IM convos... much more enjoyable anyway. I like when more of my senses come into play to help understand all of the nuances behind what someone is saying/feeling. Emotional response > Emoticons :)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Making new friends by keeping the old
Have you known most of your FB friends for a while? Months? Years? Decades? I've got some that fall into each category. Last night I finally got to have one of the meet-ups I've been trying to plan for a very long while. After finding several classmates from my kindergarten class (at Hackensack Christian School) on FB, I started to think that it might be pretty neat to get together with as many of them as were willing, and see how and what everyone is doing face to face. The initial excitement happens when requests are accepted, pics from over two decades ago are posted, and comments are flying back and forth between classmates from forever ago. It dies down over time when the novelty wears off, but not so much for me. Eventually I posted an event page for a mini-reunion and tried to send out invites to every classmate I could find. Over a couple of months, several people expressed interest and even excitement, though unfortunately not everyone was able to, or interested in making it. Some people are traveling or living far away, and some are probably just not as enthused as I, about the prospect of meeting up with people you knew when you were 4. That said, I had a great time out with two of my former classmates: Jennifer and La Toya.
We all met up for dinner in town, as we're all pretty local. Jens' friend Jenissa came along also. She is an HCS alum as well, though after I'd left the school in kindergarten. Jen, Jenissa and La Toya all spent several more years than I at the school. It was funny hearing stories about kids, teachers, etc. that I'd only known briefly. Felt kind of like hearing the continued plot of a cancelled sitcom, and thinking... ahhhh, THAT'S what happened to them! We looked and laughed at some old pictures and told stories from the early 80's. The food was great! ...it complimented the company well.
Jen works in the drug... er... pharmaceutical industry. I can't remember what our conversations were like back in school, but it turns out we've STILL got a few things in common these days. We both dig country music, though I defer to Jenns' passionate devotion to Nashville and Mr. Brad Paisley. It took me a while to come around to country, but as of a few years back, I'm sold! She's also a 'Lost' fan, and is currently a fraction of a season behind me, and the rest of the viewing public that is currently caught up. Apparently she got sucked in just as I did. She has a ridiculously handsome iguana, is lots of fun, and has awesome energy. We talked about bowling and *gulp* ...karaoke in the future.
I've known La Toya since kindergarten and through the following years as well. She came into middle school with me and our families have had ties for a while as well. It hadn't been that long since I'd seen La Toya, but it's been recently that I found out that we share a passion for art. She even told me about some work she'd done that I'd admired in high school, never knowing it was hers. I work and am friends with La Toya's mom Theresa as well. My girlfriend Danielle (who also came to enjoy dinner along with her mom Candy) is very close friends with Theresa, so expect to see her up here for a meet-up as well. I know I'll be seeing La Toya around again. We bump into each other every now and then, but this was the first time I can remember sitting down and hanging out. ALSO, La Toya has a great smile (see above), very much like her mom. The night really turned out great.
Coolest surprise of the night was when our friend and classmate Kera showed up. She could only stay for a minute, but I think it was great that she popped in to say hello. Hopefully we can get her and a bunch of others out the next time we try to do this. So to my long lost and seemingly forgotten friends, hidden among the hundreds of other FB friends... hit me up! What's 24 years?
Face to Face #10: 2 friends
Friend count: 15
We all met up for dinner in town, as we're all pretty local. Jens' friend Jenissa came along also. She is an HCS alum as well, though after I'd left the school in kindergarten. Jen, Jenissa and La Toya all spent several more years than I at the school. It was funny hearing stories about kids, teachers, etc. that I'd only known briefly. Felt kind of like hearing the continued plot of a cancelled sitcom, and thinking... ahhhh, THAT'S what happened to them! We looked and laughed at some old pictures and told stories from the early 80's. The food was great! ...it complimented the company well.
Jen works in the drug... er... pharmaceutical industry. I can't remember what our conversations were like back in school, but it turns out we've STILL got a few things in common these days. We both dig country music, though I defer to Jenns' passionate devotion to Nashville and Mr. Brad Paisley. It took me a while to come around to country, but as of a few years back, I'm sold! She's also a 'Lost' fan, and is currently a fraction of a season behind me, and the rest of the viewing public that is currently caught up. Apparently she got sucked in just as I did. She has a ridiculously handsome iguana, is lots of fun, and has awesome energy. We talked about bowling and *gulp* ...karaoke in the future.
I've known La Toya since kindergarten and through the following years as well. She came into middle school with me and our families have had ties for a while as well. It hadn't been that long since I'd seen La Toya, but it's been recently that I found out that we share a passion for art. She even told me about some work she'd done that I'd admired in high school, never knowing it was hers. I work and am friends with La Toya's mom Theresa as well. My girlfriend Danielle (who also came to enjoy dinner along with her mom Candy) is very close friends with Theresa, so expect to see her up here for a meet-up as well. I know I'll be seeing La Toya around again. We bump into each other every now and then, but this was the first time I can remember sitting down and hanging out. ALSO, La Toya has a great smile (see above), very much like her mom. The night really turned out great.
Coolest surprise of the night was when our friend and classmate Kera showed up. She could only stay for a minute, but I think it was great that she popped in to say hello. Hopefully we can get her and a bunch of others out the next time we try to do this. So to my long lost and seemingly forgotten friends, hidden among the hundreds of other FB friends... hit me up! What's 24 years?
Face to Face #10: 2 friends
Friend count: 15
Sunday, April 25, 2010
New Heights
I was very excited when I got a response from my friend Orlando with an invitation to meet up. Orlando suggested we go try a passion of his... rock climbing. 
Orlando and I went to school together from middle school through high school. We'd always gotten along and shared some similar interests and friends, but now, 10 years later, we've actually got quite a bit in common.
I had often thought about rock climbing. I had always thought that rock climbing was all about getting as high as you can... on a rock. I've climbed rocky surfaces while hiking and enjoyed it, but todays experience was far beyond what I'd expected. Orlando met me at the high school we both attended. I was there to watch one of my students who was competing in a track meet. We stayed for a while, conversing and catching up about the past 10 years and our lives today. Orlando left our town soon after high school. He has spent the past several years furthering his education, doing volunteer work, and adventuring in several countries around the world. We share a love of exotic foods, different cultures, and traveling. Both of us would enjoy packing a backpack and being dropped 'anywhere but here'. Orlando started Climbing in Hawaii where he lived and went to school, and experienced an earthquake while on the rock. One of those experiences that either endears you to the sport, or keeps you away from it for good. Orlando was hooked. We went to an indoor rock gym today and it was awesome!
Not only was it an incredible physical workout, but an intense physical and mental challenge. It's like solving puzzles that require total focus and complete physical engagement. In a split second, you have to make decisions about which hold to grab, how to hold it, where to place your feet, etc. Orlando mentioned that one of the reasons he loves climbing, is because it's the only time that his mind is truly clear of anything else. I can definitely understand that. I was completely focused on my next move at every point. Orlando is a very good climber, and I hope to eventually be one as well. This was a fantastic experience that I'd like to try to do regularly. Great hanging out with Orlando.
Face to Face #9: 1 friend
Friend count: 13
Orlando and I went to school together from middle school through high school. We'd always gotten along and shared some similar interests and friends, but now, 10 years later, we've actually got quite a bit in common.
I had often thought about rock climbing. I had always thought that rock climbing was all about getting as high as you can... on a rock. I've climbed rocky surfaces while hiking and enjoyed it, but todays experience was far beyond what I'd expected. Orlando met me at the high school we both attended. I was there to watch one of my students who was competing in a track meet. We stayed for a while, conversing and catching up about the past 10 years and our lives today. Orlando left our town soon after high school. He has spent the past several years furthering his education, doing volunteer work, and adventuring in several countries around the world. We share a love of exotic foods, different cultures, and traveling. Both of us would enjoy packing a backpack and being dropped 'anywhere but here'. Orlando started Climbing in Hawaii where he lived and went to school, and experienced an earthquake while on the rock. One of those experiences that either endears you to the sport, or keeps you away from it for good. Orlando was hooked. We went to an indoor rock gym today and it was awesome!
Not only was it an incredible physical workout, but an intense physical and mental challenge. It's like solving puzzles that require total focus and complete physical engagement. In a split second, you have to make decisions about which hold to grab, how to hold it, where to place your feet, etc. Orlando mentioned that one of the reasons he loves climbing, is because it's the only time that his mind is truly clear of anything else. I can definitely understand that. I was completely focused on my next move at every point. Orlando is a very good climber, and I hope to eventually be one as well. This was a fantastic experience that I'd like to try to do regularly. Great hanging out with Orlando.
Face to Face #9: 1 friend
Friend count: 13
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